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Limericks and other five-line verses by Rio Jansen

                                                 For a couple of hours a day,
                                                 with my doggy leading the way,
                                                 I poetize
                                                 under my doggy's watchful eyes,
                                                 and record everything  we have to say

This site contains over 850 short poems, mainly five-liners (limerick and other quintains), but also plenty with other lengths (4, 6, 7+). I composed these verses in my head while walking my dog, not only to make time go by faster, but also so to save myself the chagrin of having to watch him sniff every tree, every plant, every shrub, and every blade of grass that we passed along the way.

Some of these verses are humorous, or silly, or cute, or absurd, or nonsensical; and some are not. Some are clearly parody, or satire, or sarcasm, or spoof; and some clearly are not. Some are sad, or depressing, or downbeat, or thought provoking; and some not. And some are just for kids (or childish), and some just for adults (or even more childish); but most are not.

For some of these verses, some readers may require a little background knowledge (Bible, literature, popular culture, etc.), which I try to provide through links they can follow.

I hope you can find something here that you like ─ if not, oh well ─ I tried.

If you prefer to see all these verses together in one file, you can download this PDF. If you have comments or questions about anything related to this site, please contact Rio Jansen. You can do so at rio_jansen@hotmail.com.

Limericks and other five-line verses 1-50

 1.  Each day, when I take my dog out to go do his potty shtick

Each day, when I take my dog out to go do his potty shtick,
I try to mentally compose at least one brand-new limerick.
Now you may think, "Wow, that's pretty neat.
But how do you manage to pull off such a grandiose poetic feat?"
It's simple! I'm what in Dutch is called a real slimmerik.*
* smart person or, alternatively, a smart ass 

2.  Here, I throw my many limericks against the wall

Here, I throw my many limericks against the wall,
in hope one will stick, while others may fall.
You'd figure at least one has the originality
to escape the charge of being pure banality.
But of that, I'm not too certain at all. 

3.  A limerick doesn't have to be funny
A limerick doesn't have to be funny.
It can also be about the stress of having little or no money;
or about the state of affairs
in a world where no one cares
if your day turns out be totally gray or partially sunny. 

4.  A poem doesn't have to be true

A poem doesn't have to be true.
A poem doesn't have to be catharsis for you.
A poem need only express
what a Goddess might freely confess,
if you could get her to talk to you.

5.  I love flash fiction

I love flash fiction —
the carefulness of its diction —
the weighing of every thought
whittled down to the precision sought —
a minimum of words for a maxim depiction.

6.  I write most of my limericks in a fraction of an hour

I write most of my limericks in a fraction of an hour.
That's faster than it takes me to take my daily shower.
And sure, I may not have every syllable in place,
and the rhymes may be too slant or too commonplace.
But is that enough reason to pooh-pooh my poetic power?  

7.  To have her be naked or not?

To have her be naked or not?
That's the question for every male-centered limerick plot.
To see if she’s willing
to do everything he finds thrilling
with everything that she's got — or not. 

8.  Sometimes it all turns on the absurd

Sometimes it all turns on the absurd.
Like that pink elephant there on the back of that green bird.
It's like a scene painted by Marc Chagall
who, as we know, was the grandmaster of all
who pictured things that never actually occurred. 

9.  Since you're bound to find out sooner or later

Since you're bound to find out sooner or later,
let me tell you right off ─ I'm an unreliable poetic narrator.
I am the one voice that pervades all this verse,
and you can expect me to lie, to tattle, to con, and to curse,
or commit other poetic mischief one might consider even greater, or even worse..

10.  This is my missive to a world

This is my missive to a world
that never heard of me, ─
the sum of all my words
shared in slick simplicity. 

My thoughts are now committed
to folks I cannot see.
And though flawed, for the love of God ─ sweet folks
judge tenderly of me!
* Play on Emily Dickinson’s poem “This is my letter to the world.” 

11.  I told her coitus interruptus

I told her coitus interruptus
only works when the pulling out precise and abrupt is,
cuz if it is a millisecond too late,
it might be child number eight,
and that would surely bankrupt us.  

12.  It's always fun to reflect

It's always fun to reflect
on where we first hugged, and where we first necked,
and when it was that we first crossed the line
with you showing me yours and me showing you mine.
I don't remember ─ were we still eight? ─ or already nine?

13.  I wanna go back to Michigan

I wanna go back to Michigan,
so I can really catch good fish again.
The fish from every other U.S. lake
tend to give me such a bellyache,
that I can't wait to have a Michigan fish on my dish again.  

14.  When after years, you again sat on my face

When after years, you again sat on my face,
I hardly recognized the place.
It was not at all what I expected,
and so different from what I recollected,
with that new user interface in place.

15.  My dog always barks at men who look suspicious

My dog always barks at men who look suspicious,
and at strange cats nosing around his food or water dishes.
But he never barks at me,
and always looks with such glee
at the neighborhood women, whom he finds so delicious. 
 
16. There's a woman walking around with my penis

There's a woman walking around with my penis.
She has no idea what the definition of "mean" is.
When she crawled outta my sack,
she just grabbed it and wouldn't give it back,
saying, "Hey boy! It's probably best if we keep this between us.”

17.  A third of the ducklings is three

A third of the ducklings is three
waddling behind Mama Sherie.
If a duck is a bird,
and three is a third,
how many birds do you see?

18.  My dog can be a real bad boy

My dog can be a real bad boy
and do things that just totally annoy.
Like he really made me mad
that day he pissed on my new iPad
and used my Apple Watch as a chew toy! 

19.  Irregardless was never a word

Irregardless was never a word,
regardless of what you might've heard.
And "between you and I"
will also not fly
if you wanna graduate from second year college to third. 

20.  I'm intrigued by the neighborhood tranny

I'm intrigued by the neighborhood tranny.
Unlike some other folks, I don't find her at all uncanny.
And I think she's every bit as cute
as all our other neighbors of ill repute,
but with a much nicer fanny. 

21.  She asked, "What does your painting mean?"

She asked, "What does your painting mean?"
I said, "Nothing really. It's just a portrait of a peaceful evening scene."
She said, "But I sense something ominously stark,
there, lurking behind those two figures in the dark."
I said, "Oh, yeah. I see exactly what you mean.”

22.  There once was a woman from Wales

There once was a woman from Wales,
who had absolutely no use for males.
She liked women much better,
because they would never upset her
with masculine-conquest tales. 

23.  If you spot a v of geese heading south

If you spot a v of geese heading south,
you might consider closing your mouth.
Otherwise, they might just fly in,
unless, of course, they crash on your chin,
and make a mess on the front of your blouse. 

24.  Remember that first evening, when

Remember that first evening, when
we slipped imperceptibly into Zen,
as a full moon arose,
and we slowly slipped off our clothes,
and then?

25.  Piggies Pinky, Poinky, and Puck

Piggies Pinky, Poinky, and Puck
were sloshing in the summery murky muck.
It was the day before slaughter,
and they were enjoying the warm water,
and the chorus of the Cackly goose and the quaky duck.

26.  I met her at the Maine Wienerfest

I met her at the Maine Wienerfest
I thought her doggy was cuter than all the rest.
But she said she had her eye
on my handsome little guy.
In fact, she said she liked my little wiener the best.

27.  "I know nobody, how about you?

"I know nobody, how about you?
Do you know nobody too?"
And then suddenly our world was so much better,
because nobody had brought us together,
and who woulda thought that that was something that nobody could do?

28.  I once heard a myth about an uncle in Greece

I once heard a myth about an uncle in Greece,
whose weenie size would daily increase,
so that after a while, when it unfurled,
it would go all the way round the world,
and end up in the lap of his niece. 

29.  Be alert!

Be alert!
Here live dangerous dragons that squirt
all manner of green ire
and orange hell fire
and if you get hit, you’ll get hurt!

30.  When I was sixty and looked at my ass

When I was sixty and looked at my ass,
I saw that it still had a little pizzazz.
But now that I'm seventy-five,
I can see the jiggle's no longer alive.
I guess my ass just finally ran out of gas.

31.  It's hard to tell from this beautiful day

It's hard to tell from this beautiful day
that there's a gigantic storm on the way
that threatens to blow down your house
and get rid of that mouse
that you just couldn't catch yesterday. 

32.  Over the years, my eyes have deteriorated plenty

Over the years, my eyes have deteriorated plenty.
It’s been a long time since they were twenty-twenty.
Tonight, when my wife took off her bra,
instead of two boobies, what I actually saw
was two boobies too many. 

33.  When I lost my heart in San Francisco

When I lost my heart in San Francisco,
I was told to go to the Lost and Found at First and Briscoe. 
But to my chagrin, they had more than one lost heart, 
and no matter how closely I examined 'em, I couldn't tell 'em apart.
So what could I do but just go eeny, meeny, miny, moe, Bro?
 
34.  Whenever I feel sick, the best ointment

Whenever I feel sick, the best ointment
is to go ahead and make a doctor's appointment.
Because from that moment on,
all the symptoms will be gone,
which, for a hypochondriac, is a real disappointment. 

35.  She had the ass of the ages

She had the ass of the ages,
two hemispheres where the thunder rages.
And unless you crept inside,
there was no place to hide.
Read all about it in the Middle Age poetry pages.
 
36.  Oh that I might

Oh that I might
fly like a kite
in a sky with clouds a swirling.
It would be a great joy
for any young boy,
specially if he had thunderbolts he could be hurling. 

37.  There once was a man from Szechwan

There once was a man from Szechwan
whose penis looked like a pecan.
He met Bertha Butts
who was hungry for nuts.
So he gave her his pecan to chew on. 

38.  A woman I'd never seen before

A woman I'd never seen before,
shed all of her clothes and asked, "How do you like the decor?"
I said, "I do like the hills,
and your Grand Canyon instills
a euphoria I haven't felt since of yore. 

39.  When you blew me that kiss

When you blew me that kiss
I knew right away it would miss.
But a little girl picked it up
as it landed in a buttercup
and said, "I think you were meant to be the recipient of this."

40.  This is not why we did love you

This is not why we did love you,
and thought the whole world of you,
just so you could sneak out the door,
never to be seen anymore
except in visions with a coyote looking down from above you. 

41.  When I read your resume

When I read your resume
I didn't know what to say.
You'd listed your mother
as your significant other
and requested ever day off
in lieu of benefits and pay.

42.  Life in this big old fishbowl

Life in this big old fishbowl
was never quite completely whole,
till Wally the walrus
came to dwell among us,
and gave this fishbowl some soul.

43.  That of your sweet love

That of your sweet love
I could never quite get enough ─
not from below ─ not from above ─
that’s sort a kind of 
what I was sitting here thinking of. 

44.  The women who live in my village

The women who live in my village
don't like domestic work or tillage.
They get much more excited
when they get invited
with the guys to go plunder and pillage. 

45.  How many paradigms and how many paradoxes

How many paradigms and how many paradoxes
can you stuff in a pair of pint-sized precious boxes?
And the answer is not,
"Oh teacher, I forgot,"
because I taught you to reason like wily little foxes. 

46.  Sometimes when my dog is sleeping next to my chair

Sometimes when my dog is sleeping next to my chair,
he can be the world champ at defiling the air.
At times his toots are so lethal
that I fear that doggy diesel
might cause an explosion right then and there. 

47.  I don't believe what just occurred!

I don't believe what just occurred!
The word I needed was gobbled up by that bird.
Oh, how could things have gone from bad to worse!
I now have this gaping hole in the middle of my verse.
And what I meant to say will be forever blurred. 

48.  No, I don't know what I meant

No, I don't know what I meant
when I said that the universe was rent.
I think I was thinking
that the stars just keep on blinking
even when you don't pay ‘em a cent. 

49.  If you find your happiness slipping away

If you find your happiness slipping away
trying to survive another unendurable day,
try screaming at the gods
for being the frauds
who promised you everything would be okay. 

50.  She drunkenly slurred, "My boobs taste sweeter than a plum."

She drunkenly slurred, "My boobs taste sweeter than a plum."
I said, "Drunk or not, that really sounds dumb.
That's like me saying, 'My peter
tastes better than licking whipped cream off an eggbeater.'
Would you mind pouring me a bit more of that rum?"

For the next 800 limericks and five-line verses, please go to my Doggy walking limerics and other five-line verses site. Or, you can download all 850 + limericks and five-line verses in the following PDF file.

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