For a couple of hours a day, with my doggy leading the way, I poetize through my doggy's eyes, and record everything my doggy's got to say
This site contains over 650 five-line poems (limericks and other quintains) and also some other rhyming verses that I concocted in my head while walking my dog, both to make time go by faster and to save myself the chagrin of having to watch him sniff every tree, every plant, every shrub, and every blade of grass that we passed along the way.
Some of these verses are humorous, or silly, or cute, or absurd, or nonsensical; and some perhaps are not. Some are sad, or depressing, or downbeat, or thought provoking; and some not. Some are just for kids (or childish), and some just for adults (or even more childish); but most are not. And for some, some may require a little background knowledge (Bible, literature, popular culture, etc.), which I try to provide through links they can follow. I hope you can find something here that you like ─ if not, oh well ─ I tried.
If you prefer to see all these verses together in one file, you can download this PDF. If you have comments or questions about anything related to this site, please contact Rio Jansen. You can do so at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Limericks and other five-line verses 1-50
1. Each day, when I take my dog out to go do his potty shtick Each day, when I take my dog out to go do his potty shtick, I try to mentally compose at least one brand-new limerick. Now you may think, "Wow, that's pretty neat. But how do you manage to pull off such a grandiose poetic feat?" It's simple! I'm what in Dutch is called a real slimmerik.* * smart person or, alternatively, a smart ass 2. Here, I throw my many limericks against the wall Here, I throw my many limericks against the wall, in hope one will stick, while others may fall. You'd figure at least one has the originality to escape the charge of being pure banality. But of that, I'm not too certain at all. 3. A limerick doesn't have to be funny A limerick doesn't have to be funny. It can also be about the stress of having little or no money; or about the state of affairs in a world where no one cares if your day turns out be totally gray or partially sunny. 4. I love flash fiction I love flash fiction — the carefulness of its diction — the weighing of every thought whittled down to the precision sought — a minimum of words for a maxim depiction. 5. I write most of my limericks in less than a tenth of an hour I write most of my limericks in less than a tenth of an hour. That's faster than it takes me to take my daily shower. And sure, I may not have every syllable in place, and the rhymes may be too slant or too commonplace. But is that enough reason to pooh-pooh my poetic power? 6. To have her be naked or not? To have her be naked or not? That's the question for every male-centered limerick plot. To see if she’s willing to do everything he finds thrilling with everything that she's got — or not. 7. Sometimes it all turns on the absurd Sometimes it all turns on the absurd. Like that pink elephant there on the back of that green bird. It's like a scene painted by Marc Chagall who, as we know, was the grandmaster of all who pictured things that never actually occurred. 8. Be careful when you go to Crete Be careful when you go to Crete. The cops there aren't any too sweet. Hell, they'll even give you a ticket, if you buy an ice cream and lick it on the wrong side of the street. 9. When I reminded her that the Bible does tell When I reminded her that the Bible does tell love not only yourself, but your neighbor as well, she said, "But Mister Tabor, you're not my neighbor, so you can kindly go to hell!" 10. When I walk my dog, one thing that doesn't give me a kick When I walk my dog, one thing that doesn't give me a kick is when he bends his head down in the grass and intensely starts to lick. What I think he's imbibing, I'll refrain from describing, because I don't want to make anyone sick. 11. I told her coitus interruptus I told her coitus interruptus only works when the pulling out precise and abrupt is, cuz if it is a millisecond too late, it might be child number eight, and that would surely bankrupt us. 12. It's always fun to reflect It's always fun to reflect on where we first hugged, and where we first necked, and when it was that we first crossed the line with you showing me yours and me showing you mine. I don't remember ─ were we still eight? ─ or already nine? 13. I wanna go back to Michigan I wanna go back to Michigan, so I can really catch good fish again. The fish from every other U.S. lake tend to give me such a bellyache, that I can't wait to have a Michigan fish on my dish again. 14. When after years, you again sat on my face When after years, you again sat on my face, I hardly recognized the place. It was not at all what I expected, and so different from what I recollected, with that new user interface in place. 15. My dog always barks at men who look suspicious My dog always barks at men who look suspicious, and at strange cats nosing around his food or water dishes. But he never barks at me, and always looks with such glee at the neighborhood women, whom he finds so delicious. 16. There's a woman walking around with my penis There's a woman walking around with my penis. She has no idea what the definition of "mean" is. When she crawled outta my sack, she just grabbed it and wouldn't give it back, saying, "Hey boy! It's probably best if we keep this between us.” 17. A third of the ducklings is three A third of the ducklings is three waddling behind Mama Sherie. If a duck is a bird, and three is a third, how many birds do you see? 18. My dog can be a real bad boy My dog can be a real bad boy and do things that just totally annoy. Like he really made me mad that day he pissed on my new iPad and used my Apple Watch as a chew toy! 19. Irregardless was never a word Irregardless was never a word, regardless of what you might've heard. And "between you and I" will also not fly if you wanna graduate from second year college to third. 20. I'm intrigued by the neighborhood tranny I'm intrigued by the neighborhood tranny. Unlike some other folks, I don't find her at all uncanny. And I think she's every bit as cute as all our other neighbors of ill repute, but with a much nicer fanny. 21. She asked, "What does your painting mean?" She asked, "What does your painting mean?" I said, "Nothing really. It's just a portrait of a peaceful evening scene." She said, "But I sense something ominously stark, there, lurking behind those two figures in the dark." I said, "Oh, yeah. I see exactly what you mean.” 22. There once was a woman from Wales There once was a woman from Wales, who had absolutely no use for males. She liked women much better, because they would never upset her with masculine-conquest tales. 23. If you spot a v of geese heading south If you spot a v of geese heading south, you might consider closing your mouth. Otherwise, they might just fly in, unless, of course, they crash on your chin, and make a mess on the front of your blouse. 24. Remember that first evening, when Remember that first evening, when we slipped imperceptibly into Zen, as a full moon arose, and we slowly slipped off our clothes, and then? 25. Piggies Pinky, Poinky, and Puck Piggies Pinky, Poinky, and Puck were sloshing in the summery murky muck. It was the day before slaughter, and they were enjoying the warm water, and the chorus of the Cackly goose and the quaky duck. 26. I met her at the Maine Wienerfest I met her at the Maine Wienerfest I thought her doggy was cuter than all the rest. But she said she had her eye on my handsome little guy. In fact, she said she liked my little wiener the best. 27. "I know nobody, how about you? "I know nobody, how about you? Do you know nobody too?" And then suddenly our world was so much better, because nobody had brought us together, and who woulda thought that that was something that nobody could do? 28. I once heard a myth about an uncle in Greece I once heard a myth about an uncle in Greece, whose weenie size would daily increase, so that after a while, when it unfurled, it would go all the way round the world, and end up in the lap of his niece. 29. Be alert! Be alert! Here live dangerous dragons that squirt all manner of green ire and orange hell fire and if you get hit, you’ll get hurt! 30. When I was sixty and looked at my ass When I was sixty and looked at my ass, I saw that it still had a little pizzazz. But now that I'm seventy-five, I can see the jiggle's no longer alive. I guess my ass just finally ran out of gas. 31. It's hard to tell from this beautiful day It's hard to tell from this beautiful day that there's a gigantic storm on the way that threatens to blow down your house and get rid of that mouse that you just couldn't catch yesterday. 32. Over the years, my eyes have deteriorated plenty Over the years, my eyes have deteriorated plenty. It’s been a long time since they were twenty-twenty. Tonight, when my wife took off her bra, instead of two boobies, what I actually saw was two boobies too many. 33. When I lost my heart in San Francisco When I lost my heart in San Francisco, I was told to go to the Lost and Found at First and Briscoe. But to my chagrin, they had more than one lost heart, and no matter how closely I examined 'em, I couldn't tell 'em apart. So what could I do but just go eeny, meeny, miny, moe, Bro? 34. Whenever I feel sick, the best ointment Whenever I feel sick, the best ointment is to go ahead and make a doctor's appointment. Because from that moment on, all the symptoms will be gone, which, for a hypochondriac, is a real disappointment. 35. She had the ass of the ages She had the ass of the ages, two hemispheres where the thunder rages. And unless you crept inside, there was no place to hide. Read all about it in the Middle Age poetry pages. 36. Oh that I might Oh that I might fly like a kite in a sky with clouds a swirling. It would be a great joy for any young boy, specially if he had thunderbolts he could be hurling. 37. There once was a man from Szechwan There once was a man from Szechwan whose penis looked like a pecan. He met Bertha Butts who was hungry for nuts. So he gave her his pecan to chew on. 38. A woman I'd never seen before A woman I'd never seen before, shed all of her clothes and asked, "How do you like the decor?" I said, "I do like the hills, and your Grand Canyon instills a euphoria I haven't felt since of yore. 39. When you blew me that kiss When you blew me that kiss I knew right away it would miss. But a little girl picked it up as it landed in a buttercup and said, "I think you were meant to be the recipient of this." 40. This is not why we did love you This is not why we did love you, and thought the whole world of you, just so you could sneak out the door, never to be seen anymore except in visions with a coyote looking down from above you. 41. When I read your resume When I read your resume I didn't know what to say. You'd listed your mother as your significant other and requested ever day off in lieu of benefits and pay. 42. Life in this big old fishbowl Life in this big old fishbowl was never quite completely whole, till Wally the walrus came to dwell among us, and gave this fishbowl some soul. 43. That of your sweet love That of your sweet love I could never quite get enough ─ not from below ─ not from above ─ that’s sort a kind of what I was sitting here thinking of. 44. The women who live in my village The women who live in my village don't like domestic work or tillage. They get much more excited when they get invited with the guys to go plunder and pillage. 45. How many paradigms and how many paradoxes How many paradigms and how many paradoxes can you stuff in a pair of pint-sized precious boxes? And the answer is not, "Oh teacher, I forgot," because I taught you to reason like wily little foxes. 46. Sometimes when my dog is sleeping next to my chair Sometimes when my dog is sleeping next to my chair, he can be the world champ at defiling the air. At times his toots are so lethal that I fear that doggy diesel might cause an explosion right then and there. 47. I don't believe what just occurred! I don't believe what just occurred! The word I needed was gobbled up by that bird. Oh, how could things have gone from bad to worse! I now have this gaping hole in the middle of my verse. And what I meant to say will be forever blurred. 48. No, I don't know what I meant No, I don't know what I meant when I said that the universe was rent. I think I was thinking that the stars just keep on blinking even when you don't pay ‘em a cent. 49. If you find your happiness slipping away If you find your happiness slipping away trying to survive another unendurable day, try screaming at the gods for being the frauds who promised you everything would be okay. 50. She drunkenly slurred, "My boobs taste sweeter than a plum." She drunkenly slurred, "My boobs taste sweeter than a plum." I said, "Drunk or not, that really sounds dumb. That's like me saying, 'My peter tastes better than licking whipped cream off an eggbeater.' Would you mind pouring me a bit more of that rum?"
For the next 600 limericks and five-line verses, please go to my Doggy walking limerics and other five-line verses site. Or, you can download all 650 + limericks and five-line verses in the following PDF file.